


i'm not your ocean anymore

by springskies



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mentioned Bang Chan and Lee Felix, Sad ending?, hyunjin just wants to make everything work, it's short because i'm not good at words, not one sided love, seungmin is heartbroken, they lived together, writing in lowercase
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29485353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/springskies/pseuds/springskies
Summary: seungmin liked the sea, the sapphire blue on its waves.and he wanted hyunjin to be his ocean."i'm not your ocean, anymore."and seungmin knows that.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	i'm not your ocean anymore

**Author's Note:**

> i've been on drowsiness for some time, and while listening to yerin baek's latest album, suddenly an idea popped up. you can give a try to her  
> [song](//open.spotify.com/track/4ENVMTuK1ohqMjJYi1vEE4?si=UxuG-z8iSBKyupsV9KUYjQ/) which was the same title. and i couldn't think of anyone else beside an angsty seungjin fic to write.  
> anyway, english is like my third language so basically this one is a rubbish work 📝.

the doorbell rang three times before seungmin running to quickly unlock it. a small smile plastered on the face of his best friend, lee felix, the sweet boy he had known for ten years. his skin is a bit tanned than the last time seungmin saw him, giving a clearer picture of the freckles on felix beautiful face. remembering how felix texted seungmin and basically scream-texting about australian waves while surfing on his christmas break. one thing that amazes seungmin, while he had celebrated christmas on a cold winter, felix got summer to enjoy.

"i miss youuuuu!" he screamed, and hugging seungmin real tight to the point he almost lost his breath. loving this affectionate side of felix, but sometimes seungmin wonder how could he radiates such big sunshine energy? or felix is probably the sun itself.

"you smelled like octopus," seungmin teasing. "and what is this an insult? octopus is a smart and sweet creature!" he snapped. 

"is hyunjin home? i didn't see him come out, i brought him a miniature of surfing board. my..." there's a pause, "...my friend crafted it and i think it suits him for a handicraft," felix asked, while his eyes search around to look inside the house.

seungmin shrugged.

"he is out," seungmin answered shortly, there is a slight difference tone in his voice but felix didn't catch it. 

"ah, sadly i was about to ask you two to come to eat dinner together. but how about we spend it instead? don't you miss me, my minmin?" felix asked in aegyo, giving a squeeze on seungmin's cheeks, making him eyes rolled. 

"wait, i'll change my outfits. go sit on the sofa, and lucky you i bought your favourite cheetos tonight," seungmin walked away, while pointing on a crystal bowl filled with yellowish sticks snack on the table. felix is happy, yelling 'aaaye!' in a high pitched voice, his tiny feet jumped like 1 inch from the ground and he's settling him down comfortably on the sofa.

"so, who's friend of yours? a girl or boyfriend?" seungmin asked, his hands are busy rolling the dirty fork on an empty plate. this almost got felix choked, and seungmin laughed. of course, when it comes to a special one, felix is always been so obvious.

"erm, boy not so friend. just... you know, a crush? i met him on the beach and we spent a night together."

"wow, already having one night stand? i finally can tell anybody else right now that the cute little felix is no longer a virgin," seungmin snorted at the last words, made him receiving a slap on his arm. "we didn't do anything like that, seungminnie!"

they're staying a bit longer on the restaurant and going back around eleven after felix dragging seungmin to accompany him doing grocery for his place. after travelling for four weeks to aussie, there's no foods and seungmin doesn't want to deal with felix nagging later.

when seungmin turned the door handle open, he saw the small light from their living room. there's a silhouette sitting on the couch.

"where have you been?"

seungmin neatly placed his sneakers on the small shoe cabinet in the corner, and walking pass hyunjin on the sofa.

"seungmin."

"i was having dinner with felix. there's a handmade gift on your wardrobe," seungmin answered, without looking at hyunjin and just continue walking to the bathroom to wash up. he knows hyunjin will ask him more, but seungmin won't be having any more arguments with him. he's tired and sleepy, there's work tomorrow waiting and his sleep is more valuable than anything else right now.

when seungmin enters his room, hyunjin is already laying on their bed. seungmin then switched off the lamp, and going to his bed laying beside hyunjin. he lays back facing his boyfriend, who's watching the steady breathing appeared on hyunjin's eyes. he sighed, with an unsure and slow move hyunjin placed his hand on seungmin's waist. pulling him closer and hugging him. he breathed on seungmin's nape, sniffing the same sandalwood aroma from their body wash.

"i miss you."

★☆

"seungminnie, would you like to come along to my sister's engagement party?" hyunjin asked one night when they are having dinner. it's been awhile they didn't eat dinner together, always with the same excuses, either seungmin is busy and had to do extra work on his law firm or hyunjin with his dance mentoring for the juniors and trainees at his dance studio. they both know that their relationship had been going around like this, but none were willing to do something.

"in which date?"

"twenty five this month."

seungmin counts his schedule this month inside his head, "i'll try then," seungmin simply said.

"are you that busy?" 

it was a harmless question, but in seungmin's ears it sounded like a sharp tingling noise, making him shivering.

_not again_.

"hyunjin, you know-"

"yeah, i know. i'm not asking anymore. sorry," hyunjin smiled, and leaving the table with his plate on his hand. seungmin watching hyunjin's back, he looks stiff. there's a pang in his chest, a hurt, sorrow feeling. but seungmin says nothing, and continue eating his foods that now taste bland in his tongue. 

seungmin is reading a report when his eyes caught a pastel blue book in between his books. he heavily breathed, and reaching the diary he used to write long time ago. there's this cute draw of pochacco, his favourite sanrio character, on the cover of the diary. slowly, he reveals the page one by one, reading his own handwriting. old memories, he wrote about his school life; sometimes rant about their statistic teacher, or just write down poems on the paper.

_poems_.

he doesn't really like writing poems, or even puns. too busy with catching up his good marks, he thought probably he never wrote it, but when it came to hwang hyunjin, kim seungmin did.

seungmin developed a crush on hyunjin in his first year. to their first encounter was on the entrance exam, seungmin met a boy with his jet black hair, being unfamiliar with the new environment making him almost late to his class where he supposed to do the test. they went to different room, but after finishing the test, hyunjin was waiting for seungmin outside the classroom and they had lunch together. the two dumb kids grew feeling to each other, and hyunjin finally confessed.

_ "hey seungminnie, will you be my boyfriend?"  _

_ seungmin who's sitting on the seat near the window, he was sure his face looking like a tomato. his face went red because a hwang hyunjin yelled from the ground to the second floor and of course the not so entire school could hear it. the new basketball ace on the junior year confessed to nerd class president with his round thick glasses. instead of getting a yes, seungmin threw a crumpled paper down on hyunjin. _

_ "you dumb!" _

_ but it was obviously a 'yes' from seungmin. _

a good memory .

he flipped each pages, lot of poems he wrote. mostly short and cringe, but seungmin realized about his sincere feelings for hyunjin. he can't recall the last time he had the same romantic feeling to hyunjin after being together for eight years now. they don't fight, but there are always arguments when both trying to resolve things between them, and it won't end well. seungmin wonders, are they going to still have this phase until indefinite time?

_ i saw him under the big tree _

_ holding the round dirty ball _

_ his smile on his sweating face _

_ but he's the sweetest _

_ did i say aloud  _

_ how i liked his dimple? _

_ and his eyes shaped like  _

_ crescent moon  _

_ hyunjin _

_ h y u n j i n _

_ oh, he belongs to me  _

that night, seungmin slept alone on the bed. he still heard from the living room, a blasting sound and some men yelling on the tv until late in the morning. when he woke up later at six, he found hyunjin sleeping on the sofa, with only hugging a small pillow. his heart hurts, deep inside he wanted to hug hyunjin and kiss him to sleep. but there's something stopping him. 

tears fall from his eyes.

he knows he loved hyunjin, like he did in the past years and it hasn't changed.

seungmin went back to his room, grabbing a blanket and putting it on hyunjin, covering the whole body to avoid him catching cold. seungmin then leaves to start doing his morning routine, but he didn't open the window nor pulling the curtain up. he let the room staying dark, so hyunjin won't wake up because the morning sun.

when seungmin leave for work, he doesn't see hyunjin watching him close the door. he doesn't hear hyunjin muffling his crying sound on the pillow. and seungmin doesn't know how heartbroken hyunjin is.

**Author's Note:**

> yikes.
> 
> what is this.


End file.
